Me: Your mother was a
trad musician. Do you play?
R: Wish I could. I’m a real fan, though. I was fortunate enough to see Zoe
Conway, Donal Lunny and Sharon Shannon strut their stuff at the festival
here in Kilrowan. Blinding stuff.
Me: Didn’t Zoe Conway gig with a very special surprise guest at the
festival?
R: Yeah. He was pretty good too.
Me: You got your first break as an actor on a film called Horse Power, which
went straight to video. That must have been very disappointing for you?
R: On the contrary, sweetheart. That film was the ‘brain’ child of a cowboy
with dollar signs where his brain cells should have been. Horse Power was a
real misnomer. The film should have been called A Crock of Horse Shit. If
anyone has a copy, let me know and I will pay them many dollars to get it
back so that it is never unleashed on an undeserving public.
(Omigod – he called me sweetheart!)
Me: Which of your films are you most proud of?
R
(without
hesitation):
The O’Malley.
Me: And which are
you least proud of?
R: I should have thought that was obvious.
Me: Which of your co-stars have you most enjoyed working with?
R
(again without hesitation):
Eva Lavery.
Me: And which have you least enjoyed working with?
R: I
should have thought that
was obvious, too.
Me: May I hazard a guess? Sophie Burke?
R: Affirmative.
Me: Rumour has it that when you walked off the set of that epic you told her
to stick her powder puff up her ass. Is this true?
R: Absolutely not. I told her to stick it up her arse.
Me: I understand you have a tattoo of a yellow rose intertwined with a
serpent. What is its significance?
R: I was cast as Lysander once, in a production of A Midsummer’s Night
Dream, directed by my friend David Lawless. The actress playing my love
interest - Hermia - had a line that went: ‘Methought a serpent eat my heart away.’ That’s what
inspired that tattoo. I had it done when Lawless and I
went on a drunken spree after the show one night.
Me: And the yellow rose is a symbol of?
R: That’s my
heart. Yellow roses denote jealousy.
Me: Are you a jealous guy?
R
(with a smile):
That would be
telling.
Me: You ride a classic Norton motorbike.
R: Among other things.
Me
(blushing):
And you make regular pilgrimages into the Mojave Desert on the bike. Why is
that?
R: I like to get my head together before shooting starts on a film. Escaping
somewhere where you can howl at the moon is very therapeutic, and the best
place to do it is the desert. It has cleansing properties, and LA is – am I
allowed to say f******?
Me: Absolutely. I’ll substitute asterisks.
R: LA is f****** filthy. It’s full of rotting people.
Me: It’s full of very successful people.
R: Depends on what your definition of success is. Very many of these people
have rotten souls.
Me: You’re very lucky to have places that you can escape to. Do you get to
spend much time in your house in Saint-Géyroux, in France?
R: Not as much time as I’d like.
Me: I understand that you unwind there by painting.
R: What? Where did you hear that?
Me: I think I read in some gossip magazine that you were a very talented
painter.
R
(laughing):
No, darling. Can’t
paint to save my life. You must be confusing me with my mate Daniel.
Me: Daniel?
R: Daniel Lennox. He’s an international artist who lives in Saint Géyroux.
One of his paintings hangs above the fireplace in my house there.
Me: Pablo MacBride is another famous painter who lives locally here in
Connemara. Do you know him also?
R
(for some reason
looking a little shame-faced):
I’m afraid I haven’t had the pleasure. I must remedy that.
Me: I understand you have shares in a vineyard in the Languedoc region? Are
you a wine connoisseur?
R: I like a good Bordeaux. But I have no truck with wankers who talk
winespeak.
Me: You obviously enjoy a pint of Guinness, too.
R: Damn right. This pub does the best pint in Ireland.
Me: Do you come here often?
(Oh,
noooo!)
R: Yes, I do. I have family in Connemara, and I like to revisit
Lissnakeelagh Strand. That place holds very special memories for me.
Me: Oh?
R: Yeah. I helped scatter the ashes of a dear friend there.
A pause while Rory signs an autograph for a teenage fan – with very good
grace, I may add.
The fan: Are you staying locally, Rory?
R: Yes. In Ballynahinch Castle.
The fan: Oh, posh! They have four-poster beds there, don’t they?
R: That’s the reason I’m staying there.
The fan
(wriggling
with delight):
What are you up to next, Rory?
R: Well, I’ve set up a film production company.
The fan: Oh? What’s it called?
R: Jolly Roger Enterprises.
The fan: Is that because you make so many pirate movies?
R
(with a smile):
Partly.
The fan: Thank you so much for this.
(She carefully inserts the paper napkin
on which Rory has scrawled his autograph between the pages of the book she’s
carrying.)
Rory: Hey! You’re reading Pixie Pirelli’s latest!
The fan: Yes. She’s my favourite writer. I have all her novels – I adore
them.
R: That’s good to know.
The fan: Have you read her stuff?
R: I’ve read the – er - good bits. She’s a friend of mine.
The fan: Oh, wow! Tell her when you see her that I’m her biggest fan, and I
think her website’s fabulous, too.
R: Pixie has a website? I must check it out.
The fan: It’s
www.pixiepirelli.com.
Thanks so much for the autograph, Rory.
R
(with a smile):
You’re welcome,
sweetheart.
The fan swoons. After first aid has been administered by the barman, the
fan’s boyfriend escorts her from the pub, giving Rory a murderous backward
glance.
Me: Do you often have
that effect on women?
R: Sorry. What effect?
Me: You made her faint.
R: No, I didn’t – don’t be daft. Blood sugar deficiency’s quite common at
this hour of the day. Any more questions?
Me: Just a few, if you don’t mind. The O’Malley was made near here, wasn’t
it?
R: Yes.
Me: It’s become a cult
classic for obvious reasons. You mentioned earlier
that it’s your favourite film. Why is that?
R: That was the only film I ever made with Eva Lavery, and we had a blast
making it. It was a very mixed-up time in my life, but Eva helped me through
it by giving me the best advice I ever got.
Me: And what was that?
R: If I told you, I would have to kill you.
Me: I can’t think of a more pleasant way of shuffling off this mortal coil.
Rory McDonagh – thank-you. It’s been a pleasure.
R: M’am, the pleasure was all mine.
I swoon.