kate thompson

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Bella was bored. Her parents were wandering around her grandpa’s house  with a man with a moustache and a tie with pictures of fishes on. The moustache man was telling her dad how much money he might get for bits of furniture that he was going to sell in a place called an auction. The money was important. Her dad needed it to pay the owners of the old people’s home that her grandpa had just moved into because her grandpa had gone mad. Except Bella wasn’t allowed to say that he had ‘gone mad’. She had to say instead that her grandpa had something called Alice Simor’s disease. She sometimes wondered who poor Alice was, and why she had to have a disease named after her.

Bella could tell that selling the furniture wasn’t going to make very much money because her mum’s mouth was a bit turned-down looking. There was a ’For Sale’ sign outside her grandpa’s house, and her mum had said that if the sign had been there when she had first suggested it, it would have been gone by now, which Bella didn’t think made much sense.  Bella sometimes wondered why grown-ups didn’t play with toys to cheer themselves up, instead of moaning all the time and listening to awful stuff on the news. If her mum had a Barbie like Bella’s, her mum could make her Barbie do the splits or slide her up the banisters the way Bella’s Barbie was doing now.

‘Is there an attic?’ the man with the fish tie asked her dad.

‘Yes.’

‘Show me. That urban myth about uncovering treasures in attics holds more water than you might think.’

Treasure in an attic! Bella had a picture in her head of piles of gold coins and jewels and stuff like in the Pirates of the Caribbean. Her grandpa had been something called an art historian before he had gone mad. Maybe he had famous paintings like the ones in the National Gallery that Bella’s school had gone to.  But when they climbed the staircase to her grandpa’s attic, they could see that it was just full of crap. Trunks, boxes, old shoes, books, clothes, broken furniture – all lay as if they had been flung there by a giant in a bad mood.

‘Nothing much here, I don’t think,’ said her father to the fish tie man, who looked well pissed off. Bella could bet that the man had expected to find treasure here, too, because of her grandpa having been an important art historian.

‘Oh, look, Bella,’ said her mother. ‘There’s an old doll’s house. It must have belonged to your aunt when she was little. Shame we didn’t know it was here. It’s a tad more tasteful than that Barbie monstrosity.’

Bella hated it when her mum called her Barbie Diamond Castle a monstrosity. It had been a birthday present from her very rich aunt and uncle, and Bella loved it. With its pillars and balconies and framed photos of Barbie‘s horse and all her friends, it was the best crib a Barbie’s pretty little heart could wish for.

‘Why don’t you stay up here and play with it?’ suggested Bella’s mum. ‘We’ll call you when it’s time to go.’

‘Cool,’ said Bella, as the grown-ups turned and moseyed their way back down the stairs. 

The doll’s house was a big one. It was three floors high, and it was furnished Victorian style, with velvet upholstered armchairs and sofas and a dining table set for a formal dinner. There were tiny silver ornaments on the mantelpiece and miniature books in the bookcase, and a dotey little pet poodle snoozing in a basket in the kitchen. In the topmost bedroom was a four-poster bed, with curtains draped around it. Bella reached out a hand and drew them open.

On the mattress lay a little naked doll, and as Bella went to touch her, the doll blinked her eyes open and yawned. ‘Go away,’ she said crossly, pulling the sheet over herself. ‘You’re only going to tell me to get up, and I don’t feel like it today. I’m worn out from all the housework I did yesterday. I even polished the silver!’

‘Oh!’ said Bella. ‘You can talk!’

‘Of course I can talk,’ said the doll, rubbing her eyes. ’What do you think I am? Some kind of dummy?’

‘I thought you were a doll,’ said Bella.

‘How dare you!’ said the doll, sitting up and tucking the sheet under her arms. ‘I am not a doll, I am a demi-goddess, and I will have you know that I am extremely articulate. Who are you?’

‘I’m Bella.’

‘Bella. What is that effigy you’re clutching?’

‘It’s Barbie.’

‘Is she a goddess?’

‘Well, she’s… Barbie.’

‘She must be a goddess. Only full-blown goddesses are allowed to wear gold.’

‘Who are you?’ asked Bella. She performed a little bow as an afterthought, somehow thinking that it might make the doll look more kindly upon her.

‘I’m Hope.’

‘Hope? Is that your name?’

‘Yes.’

‘What are you doing here… oh mighty Hope?’

‘I’m in hiding. Even if I wasn’t, I could hardly go out and fly around the streets in the nude, could I?’

‘Don’t you have any clothes?’ asked Bella.

‘No. Those bitches wouldn’t allow me any. Aphrodite and Artemis and Athena and all those other so-called goddesses parading around in their golden robes - pah! But I showed them. I said, “If you won’t give me a golden robe and confer goddess status upon me, then I am not going to show up for duty, my dears.” But they refused to, and I ended up locked up in a box instead. But I have been true to my word. I never showed up for duty. I’ve never even set eyes on a mortal face, apart from the old man who took me out of the box and set me up here in this quaintly charming house.’

‘The old man? Did he have kind of wild grey hair and a smiley face?’

‘Yes. He was barking mad, though, in spite of the smiley face.’

‘Then that was my grandpa. He has Alice Simer’s disease. He’s gone away from here to live in an old people’s home.’

‘Oh, what a shame! I liked your grandpa. He was kind to me. He decided I would be much more comfortable here than in the box.’

‘How long were you in the box?’

‘Oh - millennia. It was really horrid to begin with because I was locked in there with all the miseries in the world. Zeus! How glad I was when Pandora opened the lid and let them out - it had been like living in a mad house until then. Those bastards were completely unhinged.’

‘Pandora? I know that story. Pandora opened the box and out flew all the bad things that ever were.’

‘That’s right. And what a relief that was for me! I finally had the pleasure of my company all to myself.’

‘Didn’t  you get awful bored?’ Bella asked.

 ‘Not remotely. I am a very interesting person, and I never get bored with myself.’

Hope tossed her hair back, in a kind of haughty gesture, and turned away from Bella to look at herself in the mirror. She had wings, Bella saw now! Proper wings like the Flower Fairies, or the butterflies that flitted around her grandpa’s garden. She really was extremely pretty: gold all over, as if she’d been sunbathing in the nude, and her hair was as long and as glossy as Barbie’s. She wasn’t as curvy as Barbie, but she was easily as beautiful - more beautiful, even.

‘So you’re the actual Hope,’ Bella said with awe. ‘The very first Hope that ever was.’

Hope gave a pleased smile, and prinked a wing. ‘I’m glad to know that I’m still famous after all these years.’

‘You’re legend!’

Hope slanted a look at Barbie. ‘Am I as legend as your goddess?’

Bella knew that in the celebrity stakes, Barbie would win hands down over Hope, but she didn’t want to risk offending her new friend. ‘Yes,’ she said, crossing her fingers behind her back. Bella always did this when she told a lie, so that no harm could come to her. ‘Tell me - when Pandora opened the box, why did she decide to leave you in there?’ she asked.

‘She was probably jealous of my beauty. She was a very vain and stupid girl. Anyway, she didn’t leave me, per se. I elected to stay on.’

‘Why?’

‘I didn’t want to go out in the world and consort with Old Age, Labour, Sickness, Madness and Vice.’ Hope shuddered. ‘Have you any idea how monstrous they are?’

‘But you liked my grandpa, and he’s old and mad.’

‘Your grandpa looked after me. Old Age and his cohorts just ignored me and palled around together, moaning and muttering imprecations. Sickness did try and befriend me a few times, but I suspect he had ulterior motives. Also, he had the most appalling halitosis.’

‘Did you never think of coming out and just taking a peek at the world?’ Bella asked.

‘Stark naked? I don’t think so. Besides, what’s to see?’

‘There’s some nice stuff out there.’

‘Such as?’

‘Um. Kittens and Coco Pops and Disneyland and stuff. And Barack Obama and Barbie.’

 ‘Hm,’ Hope narrowed her eyes at Barbie again. ‘I have to admit I like your effigy’s gown.’

Bella thought that she might be beginning to have a brilliant idea. ‘Why don’t you try it on? It matches your hair.’

‘But would it fit over my wings?’

‘We could leave the back open.’ Bella started to unfasten Barbie’s evening dress. It suddenly seemed stupid that a plastic doll should be wearing the golden frock, instead of this beautiful, fairylike being who lived and breathed and moved - and even flew!

‘Tell me more about the goddess Barbie,’ commanded Hope.

‘Well, she lives in a place in my bedroom called Diamond Castle, and she has a wardrobe full of the coolest clothes. She has a horse and a carriage and a boyfriend and a sister and lots of friends who love her, and she goes to loads of parties. She has her own amazing website -’

‘What’s a website?’

‘Um. A kind of virtual place where you go to admire all things Barbie.’

‘Like a temple?’

‘Yes. And she even has a special song of worship.’

‘A hymn? Well, well. I do like the sound of this.’

Bella stripped plastic Barbie of the dress and handed it over to Hope. She watched as the tiny golden creature stepped into it and slid the gleaming straps over her shoulders. ‘Oh!’ she said, clapping her hands. ‘It‘s lovely on you! Have a look in the mirror.’

Hope turned and regarded herself in the fly-blown cheval glass. ‘Hmm,’ she said, striking a pose. ‘I do look good! I could give Aphrodite a run for her money.’

‘You’d look even better in Barbie’s mirror in Diamond Castle. It’s got lights all round it, to show her beauty off to full effect.’

‘Do you think that Barbie is more beautiful than me?’ asked Hope.

‘No,’ said Bella immediately, then added: ‘Hey! I’ve got an idea! Why don’t you come and live in Diamond Castle?’

‘Do you mean Barbie’s Castle?’

‘Yes! I’d much rather have you living there than stupid Barbie.’

Hope gave Bella a shrewd look. ‘You mean you’d depose Barbie?’

‘Depose?’

‘Kick her off the throne?’

‘Yes!’

‘And strip her of her goddess status?’

‘Yes.’

‘And I could have all Barbie’s - um - what did you call her effects?’

‘Her stuff?’ hazarded Bella.

‘Yes.’ Hope nodded eagerly. ‘Her stuff. The horse and the suitor and the apparel and everything?’

‘Everything! It would be like living in Paradise. It’s every girl’s dream come true!’

‘Ha! I’d be the envy of Aphrodite and Artemis and Athena and all those pathetic demi-goddess groupies like Thetis and Echo who hang out on Mount Olympus, thinking they’re the bees’ knees.’

‘And you could take over Barbie’s job of saving the planet from all the miseries you used to live with. What were their names again?’

‘Old Age, Labour, Madness, Vice and Sickness.’

‘Yay! You and the Barbie Thumbelinas could kick their asses!’

‘Who are the Barbie Thumbelinas?’

‘They’re like fairy Barbies - they’ve got wings like you, and they’re all working really hard to save the planet.’

A suspicious look crossed Hope’s face. ‘Working hard? Like that sad old git Labour?’

Yikes! thought Bella. This goddess in training obviously didn’t like the idea of hard work. ‘No, no!’ she assured her. ‘They have fun doing it! And they wear the sweetest clothes.’

‘Nicer than Barbie’s?’

‘No - never in a million years. Barbie always gets the best of everything.’

‘So you reckon that if I came into the world, I could rule over even the mighty Barbie?‘

Bella nodded earnestly. ‘Barbie’s a wimp compared to you,’ she said.

Hope turned and regarded herself critically in the mirror. Then she turned back to Bella. ‘Done deal,’ she said, extending her tiny hand.

Smiling, Bella took it and shook.

And that is the story of how Hope finally arrived on earth from the confines of Pandora’s box, and came to reside in Diamond Castle in Bella’s bedroom in Clontarf, Dublin. Occasionally Bella takes her goddess to Toys R Us and sets her on a shelf next to row upon row of inferior effigies for a joke, but mostly Hope just lives in the lap of luxury, riding in her carriage, changing her outfits, attending parties and going to the beauty salon.

As for Old Age, Labour, Madness, Vice and Sickness? They’re being pursued by the Thumbelina Barbies, who are forging ahead indefatigably with with their Herculean mission: Saving the Planet.